How to annoy me???

No don’t be under the impression that this post is a manual on “How to annoy me?”  People manage to do it quite well without the manual

I am sure we all at some point or the other have faced annoying questions from people (mostly relatives) and how you wish you could just give it back to them on their face. But you never get the chance since you are to be in the best of your behavior. Ah the social demands to behave well with relatives!!

Here are the questions (some asked with genuine interest/concern, but still they piss me off) asked which annoys me and how I wish I could give them the answers mentioned below.

1) Why have you lost so much weight?

A : I have been offered a role in the latest Yashraj Film. The producers want me to have  a size zero figure. Now if I have to give Kareena a run for her money, this figure is necessary you know!

2)Why are you still working here in Mangalore? Why don’t you look for a job in Bangalore?

A: Well, it is my dream to join the Sri Rama Sena. I am very influenced by the work that they do. Unfortunately I wasn’t part of their last famous campaign when they raided the pubs and beat up people there. I am hoping they would let me know this time and I get a chance to do my bit to the society

3)You have been working for a while now, how much have you saved up? 

A: I don’t want to sound pompous but I have saved up enough to buy the Taj Mahal. Do you think the government would be interested in selling?

4)How much do you earn every month Maga (meaning child in Tulu)? 

A: I earn a  little lesser than Mukesh Ambani. But I have already given hints to the company that if they don’t hike my salary next appraisal, they can as well take a hike

5)Why aren’t you getting married? We found a very good match for you last time (read about it here) but you rejected it. Why?

A: I have realized that life is an illusion. Nothing here is permanent. What comes has to go. So is it with relationships. So I have decided to remain a spinster. Perhaps I could join an ashram sometime later.

6)You do not seem very keen on getting married. Do you have a boyfriend?

A: Oh Yes aunty. How did you read my mind? Can you please persuade Papa to get me married to him? Only problem is that he is a Muslim. (no offence to Muslims, but it is enough to give a minor nah major heart attack to my family)

The Blunder Maker

Have you ever made blunders? If yes congratulations you have a company. If  no, too bad

I have been labelled a “Blunder Maker” by my family and I have ever since worked really hard to do justice to the title bestowed upon me. I must add this isn’t an easy task considering the fact that you must always come up with innovative blunders all the time.

Here are a  few innovative blunders I have ever committed.

Example 1 :

On a  Sunday morning I  thought I would prepare breakfast. What better than a Dosa and Chutney? I put the rice  and water in the mixer jar and switched it on. Meanwhile I grated coconut for the chatni. The mixer made a screeching sound and came to a halt. Apparently I put very little water and hence the blades refused to move and the socket holding the jar overheated.  All I wanted to do was cook breakfast. In spite the fact that the breakfast turned out well nobody paid me compliments, it was the mixer they mourned!

Example 2 :

Generally I am not fond of cleaning. My room is testimony to it. But there are times when I am on  a cleaning spree and I am unstoppable. On one such fateful day while I was cleaning the house, I happened to look up at the ceiling (I curse this moment till date) I saw cobwebs on the edges of the tube light. I immediately went in to get cobweb remover and started removing the cobweb. Just as I was doing it , the cobweb remover hit the tube light and the tube light came crashing down. Sigh!

Example 3 :

One afternoon I was on my yet another cooking endeavor. I put some oil on the pan and switched on the gas. I realised there wasn’t enough oil in the bottle I went inside to fetch oil not realising the gas was kept on high flame. By the time I returned to kitchen, I saw my dad and sis standing at the kitchen door trying to set off the fire the utensil had got due to overheating and a part of the wall had turned black!  What is it with me and overheating!! Do I need to tell what happened next?

Example 4 :

At our home we divide work at least we think so. My dad and sis generally do the washing I look after the kitchen. Did you just ask how my folks still trust me the kitchen work? I would like to believe I cook well But if you ask them they would say they do not have any other option. Now coming to the point, one day while my dad was away, I took upon myself the duties of washing department. I picked up all the white clothes to wash first. I put them into the washing machine and rinsed them 3-4 times then removed them to a bucket containing Ujala. I thought I will leave it for sometime and went in to the living area. There was “Twilight” being shown on TV. I was so engrossed watching Bella and Edward that I blissfully forgot about the clothes soaked in Ujala. I then went to the bathroom only when I had to answer nature’s call . To my horror the white clothes had turned blue!!!

Kyra – The sunshine Girl

On a lazy Sunday afternoon I sat under a beach umbrella on a beach chair watching my friends play volley ball. I sat turning pages of my book pretending to be reading but all my attention was towards the game of volley ball.

“I wish I too was playing with them” I murmured to myself.

“What is stopping you from playing then” I hear a voice say.

I turned around to see who it is. She is Kyra who used to be my senior in college. I have seen her a couple of times in college. We have exchanged smiles but never spoken. .

“Hi I am Kyra.” She introduces herself.

“Hi I know, I have seen you in college. I was your junior” I reply.

“Oh is it. I am sorry I don’t remember seeing you. What’s your name?” she asks smilingly.

“I am Priya”.

“Nice to meet you Priya.”

She then said about her new job as an intern at an advertising agency, her family, the city’s traffic, her ever nagging boss and all the topics under the sun. For people passing by it must have looked like we both are best of friends catching up after a long time. She did all the talking and I did the listening. While I was listening to Kyra, I observed her carefully. I had to admit that she was very attractive. She had arched eyebrows complimenting her oval face. Her thick brown hair was tied into a pony. But what I found very appealing about her was her flawless skin. As I was lost in my thoughts, Kyra said “I hope I am not boring you with my stories”. “Oh no. Not at all” I manage to tell.

Suddenly Kyra asks “You still haven’t answered me. Why aren’t you playing if you want to?”.

I explain her that I have to attend a wedding in the family by the end of the week, and I get tanned if exposed to sun even for a little time and worse I even get sunburns sometimes! I came along only because my friends insisted to come. I tell her that I am not blessed with a skin like hers. She laughs as I say this. I think she is being too modest to accept my compliment.

“Priya I must show you something”.

“Ok” I say almost in a whisper unsure what it is that she would want to show me.

She picks up her bag from the ground and digs deep inside her bag. She finds her wallet and removes a photo from the wallet. She hands over a picture to me. The picture is of a teenage girl, the girl has striking resemblance to Kyra except for her complexion which is very dark unlike Kyra’s. I decide it must be her sister.

“Kyra, your sister looks so much like you”.

“No it isn’t my sister. It is me.” She says.

I stare at the picture in disbelief.

“I was very dark when I was younger. But then I have discovered the MAGIC” replied Kyra.

“MAGIC” I asked questioningly!!!

Image Courtesy : corallista.com

“Yes. And the Magic is my LAKME , I use Lakme Sun Expert Fairness +UV Lotion SPF 50 PA+++. This is the best. It protects your skin from the harmful UV and prevents sun burns.”

“But does it work” I asked apprehensively.

“Of course it does. Look at me” said a confident Kyra.

She passed her Lakme Sun Expert to me and asked me to apply. Then she had a few tips for me :

• Make sure the SPF of your sunscreen lotion is above 30.
• Apply sunscreen lotion at least half an hour before you go out so that your skin absorbs the sunscreen lotion
• Apply the sunscreen lotion every 5 hours.

I thanked her said I would follow her advice. She said that wouldn’t be enough. She said I introduce my friends to her we all play a game of volley ball. I reluctantly agreed. It was super fun! After volley ball we played water sports too. In spite of all the fun, I couldn’t help thinking of the wedding and the tanning. My thoughts were put to rest only after I returned home and looked at myself on the mirror. Miraculously I hadn’t tanned despite being in the sun the whole day.

I quickly rushed out of the house to grocery shop to buy myself a Lakme Sun Expert!

Thank you Kyra! You are my Sun Shine Girl!!!

This post is my entry to The Lakmé Diva Blogger Contest on indiblogger. 

A bitter marriage

This is true story which happened with a distant relative. Hence the name in the post has been changed.

Swathi was her parents only daughter. Her parents were anxious to get her married as she turned 25 (for some 25 is still considered too late for a girl to be married). Swathi kept rejecting proposals one after the other supposedly 18 as some of her family members  claim. But the proposals kept coming nevertheless, considering the fact that she was very pretty.

After much persuasion or pressure from the parents Swathi finally gave in and her marriage was fixed with a handsome man working in the middle east.  The parents were elated so were the extended family and friends. The invitations were printed all the near and dear ones were invited for the wedding.

The wedding was a grand affair followed by the reception in the evening. Post wedding Swathi moved to the middle east to be with her husband. It was barely a month into the wedding when on a fateful day Swathi’s father received a phone call  informing him of his daughter’s death. The reason for death – SUICIDE.

Swathi had left behind a death note running 2 pages where she wrote the reasons why she took such an extreme step. She wrote about how she was compelled to marry against her wishes. The parents wouldn’t agree to her being married to the person she loved because he belonged to a different  caste/community. She pleaded but in vain. The mother threatened to commit suicide the father to cut off all ties with her. She succumbed to pressure  and reluctantly agreed for the marriage but not before putting put a fight. She consumed sleeping pills and made an attempt to suicide as an escape to marriage. The parents managed to keep this event a secret.

The parents hoped their daughter would soon forget all about the love and be happily married far off with her husband. But fate proved them wrong and they lost their only daughter.

What could have been done to save Swathi’s life? Were the parents very rigid on her? Why are inter caste/community  marriages still considered a taboo in villages and small towns? Had Swathi been brave and confronted the husband about the issue?

These are questions which would haunt the people who had known/ associated or even heard about this incident.

As I write this post my heart goes out the innocent man married to Swathi who had to go through all this with no fault of his.

Hope fully there will be day when we will look at life  beyond caste, colour and creed.

I won!!! I won!!!

My blog post Childhood memories – Hypnotism!!!! has won a prize in Blogadda’s My Family Memories Contest !!!I don’t remember when was the last time I won (Well I am not counting the arguments and the fights )

Thank you Blogadda and Imlee.com

Enjoy your weekend people!!!