Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Love marriage or arranged marriage is a never ending debate. One can speak at length over the pros and cons of love and arranged marriages. I do not like the  idea of stereotyping marriages as love or arranged because there cannot be a marriage without love irrespective of who arranges the marriage. There can only be a love marriage and a loveless marriage.

In love marriage it is individuals first meet, are attracted to each other and gradually fall in love then take the next big step to be man and wife. Here the individuals take the initiative for marriage. Whereas in an arranged it is the elders of the individuals who make the match based on various factors such as religion, caste, social standing, family, horoscope and in some cases dowry too.

One section of people may argue in favor of love marriages. We can give various reasons in extending our support to love marriages such as familiarity, compatibility, mutual understanding, respect for the partner. Some might even go to the extend of saying that if people go married to people belonging to other communities or religions we could slowly eradicate casteism from the country. I honestly believe this could be a solution to get rid of the shackles of caste, creed and religion that is plaguing our country.

Another section of the people may counter argue that love marriages do not last long, it would end as soon as the infatuation may end. They may argue that it is the arranged marriages that stands the test of time since it is alliance made my the well meaning elders. For people belonging to these category it is mostly the inter-religious or the inter-caste marriages that qualify as love marriages.

But honestly it is not the type of marriage that determines the success of a relationship. Marriage takes effort from both the partners to make it work. It is respect, love and compatibility that would stand the test of the time.

This post is my entry to Indiblogger’s Love marriage or Arranged Marriage Contest.

Image Courtesy : here

A bitter marriage

This is true story which happened with a distant relative. Hence the name in the post has been changed.

Swathi was her parents only daughter. Her parents were anxious to get her married as she turned 25 (for some 25 is still considered too late for a girl to be married). Swathi kept rejecting proposals one after the other supposedly 18 as some of her family members  claim. But the proposals kept coming nevertheless, considering the fact that she was very pretty.

After much persuasion or pressure from the parents Swathi finally gave in and her marriage was fixed with a handsome man working in the middle east.  The parents were elated so were the extended family and friends. The invitations were printed all the near and dear ones were invited for the wedding.

The wedding was a grand affair followed by the reception in the evening. Post wedding Swathi moved to the middle east to be with her husband. It was barely a month into the wedding when on a fateful day Swathi’s father received a phone call  informing him of his daughter’s death. The reason for death – SUICIDE.

Swathi had left behind a death note running 2 pages where she wrote the reasons why she took such an extreme step. She wrote about how she was compelled to marry against her wishes. The parents wouldn’t agree to her being married to the person she loved because he belonged to a different  caste/community. She pleaded but in vain. The mother threatened to commit suicide the father to cut off all ties with her. She succumbed to pressure  and reluctantly agreed for the marriage but not before putting put a fight. She consumed sleeping pills and made an attempt to suicide as an escape to marriage. The parents managed to keep this event a secret.

The parents hoped their daughter would soon forget all about the love and be happily married far off with her husband. But fate proved them wrong and they lost their only daughter.

What could have been done to save Swathi’s life? Were the parents very rigid on her? Why are inter caste/community  marriages still considered a taboo in villages and small towns? Had Swathi been brave and confronted the husband about the issue?

These are questions which would haunt the people who had known/ associated or even heard about this incident.

As I write this post my heart goes out the innocent man married to Swathi who had to go through all this with no fault of his.

Hope fully there will be day when we will look at life  beyond caste, colour and creed.

Matrimonial Meeting

Arranging marriages is a favorite pastime of people in India. When the girl/boy attain a marriageable age the hunt for potential groom/bride begins in full swing. All known/unknown relatives are informed about the availability of the girl/boy. Horoscopes and the photographs are passed on to all the acquaintances and several rounds of visit to the astrologer is made.

If both sides like the photograph (in my case it is just one, because I never got to see the photograph of the guy) and the horoscopes match then is the next big step “The matrimonial meeting” .

Nobody of the marriageable age  living in India  is spared of this process! It might seem funny for a spectator but trust me it is a very stressful and a torturous process! At least I can vouch for it

A few months back I had to meet a potential groom (hereafter referred to as PG!). I was to meet this guy later in the evening and all morning the phone didn’t stop ringing with distant aunts calling to give me piece of advice (read warning/threat).

I was persuaded to wear a sari for the occasion specifically a  light coloured sari (do not ask me why a light coloured saree, this request/demand supposedly came from the PG’s side!!!)

*Fast-forward to the meeting*

I walk in to a room holding  a  juice tray looking like character straight out of an old Hindi movie, I notice 15 pairs of eyes staring at me, I am still unsure who all those people were and why had they accompanied the PG. I placed the tray on the table and then sat on a corner chair with my heads down. Even with my heads down I could see my aunt glaring at me because I was instructed to serve the juice which I didn’t fearing I would drop the tray on somebody’s head!! Somebody who had accompanied the PG suggested that we both should have a word in private. I was shown the room upstairs while PG followed with the 3 ladies behind him. The PG insisted the ladies to join us too but the ladies were sensible enough to say that they would wait out!

PG : Hi, My name is P. I was working in Dubai till recently but now I am moving to Qatar. I have 3 siblings. My sister is married. She stays in Bangalore. They own a house in Bangalore. My brothers are younger to me they are yet to be married. One brother is a choreographer he teaches dance  (I thought choreographers build rockets ) and the other one is studying. I studied in Nitte. I am a civil engineer and I also have an additional degree from Dubai. I plan to stay abroad for another 10 years and then come back to India. I am a very simple person!

I simply nod my head when he says all this in one breath.

PG : Would you like to work after marriage?

Me : Of course.

PG : Great. I shall look for a job in my office!

Me : But you are into civil engineering. I am into to altogether a different stream!

PG : That is not a problem. You can do other office work.

Me : @!#$^&

PG continues : Would you have a problem if I said yes to you?

Me : I think it is too early. We just met 10 mins ago. We both will have to give this a considerable thought and then come to a decision.

PG : Of course, Of course!  But let me tell you I can say what people are like just by looking at them. I can tell you are a very good girl.

I smile and say that I am flattered.

Me : I can never say anything about people just as I meet them.

PG : I can do it all the time because I have a good “SENSE OF HUMOR”!!

I am too flabbergasted to say anything!!

Had you been in my place what would you say???

{Most of the things above are true however a few minute changes are made to make them funny!}