When I met HIM!

I must have fallen asleep while reading. I was still holding on to the book I was reading. The clock on the wall told me that it was 2 am. I must have slept for over an hour now. I placed a bookmark and pushed the book under the pillow.   As I  turned side wards to turn off the lights, I found myself staring at man sitting on the sole chair in the room. The pile of washed-but-yet-to-be-folded clothes which were on the chair before, now lay on the floor. The man had a serene smile on his face which was somewhat soothing. What struck me most was his weird costume. He had a golden crown on his head, a flute in hand, and clad in the finest silks and body covered with so much sparkling jewels and gems that could put the daily soap bahu’s to shame!

Try as hard as I might, I am not angry with this intruder. Instead to my utter amazement to choose my most polite tone and ask the man, “Who are you and how did you get in here?”

 The man says “I am God. You can call me Krishna, Ram, Vishnu or any other name that pleases you”.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I cried out.

No it isn’t. How would I get in here with the doors locked” he said pointing to the door.

I ponder over his question for a while and then reluctantly come to terms with the fact that I am indeed visited by God at this ungodly hour.

“So what brings you here?” I ask him.

You haven’t spoken to me in a while now. So, I thought it best to come meet you. After all it is my job to watch over my children” he answers.

I haven’t been speaking to you these days because I am slowly turning to be an agnostic. And what did you say about watching over your children….do you really watch over your children?” I asked him. 

“Yes I do watch over my children” he replied confidently.

“Then why did you not watch over Nirbhaya?” I asked him with  a cocky smile.

“Errr……..” He fumbled but was quick to regain composure.

“We will discuss the world at large some other time but let me assure you the perpetrators are tried in my court. Everybody pays for their deeds” he said.

“Your court is no better than the Indian courts. All that a common-man gets is the dates just like Sunny Paaji says I said mockingly.

Justice is never denied in my court” he said.

It sounded as if the assurance was more to himself than to me.

After a silence of about 5 seconds he asked “Who is Sunny Paaji?”

He is an actor. His father was also an …” 

God interrupted me and said  “Oh it is a him. It isn’t the one I was thinking about then”.

Who were you thinking of?” I asked half-expecting the answer.

I do not know. There is some lady on Earth by the same name. Indra  and his men discuss about her in hushed tones” God replied innocently.

I smiled to myself.

Can you speed up the fan? It’s too hot down here on Earth“.

While setting the regulator of the fan to maximum, I said “You stay high above the ozone layer. The global warming is unlikely to have affected you“.

What ozone…What global warming?” asked the God all confused.

Err…never mind..we will discuss global warming and ozone layer some other day” I told him.

I got grooved into the conversation. I pushed a pillow against the wall and leaned onto it. I sat upright as if I had such conversations with God very often.

You still haven’t told me about yourself” God reminded.

My life is all fine.  Yes sometimes I feel it is monotonous….but other than that, it is all good.”

What would make your life exciting then?” God asked earnestly.

A boyfriend perhaps” I said smiling naughtily.

Why don’t you find a boyfriend for yourself then?” asked the God as if he were my best buddy.

The guys who I have crush on are either disinterested or committed or married or just oblivious of my existence”.

My……that is sad” said the God.

But let me tell you, all the above people just don’t deserve you. Just wait for the right man to come by and sweep you off the floor” said the God in a tone that I would use to console someone.

Sweep you off…the what??? Do you read Mills and Boon up there” I asked in disbelief.

No. But what I said is true. All you have to do is be patient.

I nodded and then said “It’s just a classic case of sour grapes. Isn’t it?

God grinned as I said this.

Child, I think I should get going now. I have kept you awake for long. I guess we had a good chat. Is there anything you want to tell or ask me?” asked the God.

No” I replied. Just as God is about to stand up I say, “My aunt keeps saying, God knows when Pavitra Ristra would go off-air. Do you really know when it would go off-air?

It is actually the producer who decides it. In fact I am indebted to the producer of the show” the God said.

Indebted to Ekta Kapoor?” I asked puzzled.

Yes. She has done a huge favor to us up there. Whenever the apsaras throw tantrums or become lazy we play the Oh la oh la song in a huge screen. It just sets them right.” said the God with a huge grin.

Words fail me so I simply nod. God bade me good-bye and vanished. But before that he picked up the pile of clothes from the floor and dumped it on the chair.

I switched off the lights, pulled the quilts over my body and went to sleep.

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28 thoughts on “When I met HIM!

  1. Initially it reminded me of OMG, where God introduces himself.And from then on, i imagined Akhshay Kumar as God. And i’ve a request, if he visits you again, please ask him to do something about Pavithra Rishta, i just can’t take it anymore but my mom won’t let me watch any other thing at 9. Please convey my message to him.

    • Akshay Kumar as God…he would be a handsome God! By the way when I was a kid I thought Nitish Bharadwaj (the guy who played Krishna in Mahabhrat) is God 🙂

      God can’t do anything about Pavithra Rishta…I think we need to plead Ekta Kapoor!

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