Accident!

The long line of patients waiting outside the clinic made him realize that it’s going to be a very long day. “Perhaps I should call home and inform that I would be late for lunch” he thought as he entered his cabin. His assistant greeted him with a warm smile. “Tara, send the first patient in a couple of minutes” he instructed her.

A couple of hours had passed since he examined the first patient. But there was still a long queue of patients waiting for their turn. He was writing the prescription for the patient seated across the table when his cellphone beeped. He absent mindedly picked up the phone to check the message. The message was from his former assistant. The message read “To you my love” and picture of his former assistant blowing a kiss. He stared at the screen in awe. He raked his brain to comprehend the message. He sent his patient packing in a hurry.

He then began thinking to himself if his former assistant loved him secretly. He remembered her to be a jovial girl with a permanent smile plastered on her face. He had known of young girls falling for older men but never in his wildest dreams thought a young girl half his age would fall for him. He walked towards the mirror at the far end of his cabin and started admiring himself. He was mightily pleased with himself. “You don’t look bad for a 45 year old” he told his reflection.

At the other part of the city, Taani was cursing herself when she realised her folly. She had just sent the message meant for her fiancee to her former boss. “I owe the man an apology” she told herself.

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Introducing a Bunt!

I was in 3rd standard when I moved to Mysore. The teacher introduced me to the class while I stood next to the her nervously fidgeting with my water can which hung around my neck. The class observed me curiously. The teacher ushered me to my seat after a short introduction. I smiled at the girl seated next to me. She returned the smile somewhat reluctantly.

After few minutes of silence, the girl got talking. She asked my name, previous school, siblings, reason for relocation and lastly came the bouncer,  “So which caste do you belong to?” The question left me stumped because I had no clue what a caste was. “What is a caste?” I asked her in reply.  “Caste is caste….er…like I am a vokkaliga” she said helpfully.  “I don’t know what my caste is” I told her while she nodded sympathetically.

This was an incident that happened almost 18 years ago. Here I make an attempt to explain things that I could not explain then!

I belong to the community of Bunts. We are small community whose roots lie in the coastal region of Karnataka. We may be a small community but that did not stop us from venturing into different territories. We have marked our presence in various fields from Underworld to Bollywood 😛

We are loud, boisterous bunch of people. We are like the Punjabi’s of the south (no offense to the Punjabi’s). Showing-off is in our genes. This comes naturally to us. I remember once I told the entire school Aishwarya Rai was a distant relative!!! This trait actually distinguishes us from others.

Our women love diamonds and gold. Soaring prices will not stop us from buying them. Must-have jewellery for a married bunt woman are clustered diamond earrings, diamond nose pin, V-shaped finger ring which these days is diamond clustered too!!! Easy way to spot a bunt lady is by the amount of diamonds piled on her body.

Our men love to eat. Late evening get-together with the ‘magic beverage’ and kori sukka will make our men forget nagging wives, demanding children and all the other worldly worries.

Our youngsters are doctors or engineers working in air-conditioned offices trying to figure out why they choose the professions that they are in. More often than not it was never them but their parents/relatives who made their career choice!

Our marriages are perfect example of our love for affluence. Dowry to us is a matter of pride. Weddings are no good if there aren’t over 1000 people present to witness the proceedings. A bunt bride could easily give Bappi Lahari a complex! Variety of food and drinks are served.

Match-making is the community’s favorite hobby. This is the best form of social service known to us.

We never miss a chance to say about our relationship with the celebrities/politicians of the community. We either know them personally or have relatives who know them personally.

Phew……this was a glimpse of the community! The next time you come across a proud, loud South Indian who loves to show-off….you know who it is!

 

P.S I publish this post at the risk of being disowned by the community!

 

How to spend 8 hours in your work place?

The place where I work in has decided to set right a few things; one of which is to make sure that all employees spend the required 8 hours in office. To maintain transparency in the matter every employee’s work-timings for the entire month would be mailed individually at the end of the month. The first month after the said change,  passed like any other month. The feeling of the change was yet to sync in.

Then came a day at the end of the month when the work timings were sent to us. It turned out that on most of the days, my timings were a little short of 8 hours. My timings were something like 7.45 or 7.25 and one day it was 7.59. My project manager called me and politely said  “I do not have any complaints regarding your work…but please see it to it that you spend 8 hours in office“. “Sure. I will take care of it” I replied.  But I am still to contemplate how spending 8 hours at office would ensure productivity. Weird ways of the work places!!!

Anyway I have devised a plan about “how to spend 8 hours in office”. Go ahead and use it…the ideas aren’t copyrighted.

  1. Play Temple-run : Temple run is one of the best inventions of recent times. Play a game to find out how addictive the game is. Of late I have been so addicted to this game that whenever I close my eyes, I find myself maneuvering the narrow lanes escaping the monster as if my life really were in danger. And when you aren’t playing, you can discuss pointers, high scores with people. Seems like the world is crazy about this game.
  2. Write/Read Blog : If you are a blogger, you have an extra option. You can always sit in office and write , read and comment on blogs. Trust me your creativity is at its best when you are at work! You can also browse through the bloggers site and check if there are any shampoos that need to be reviewed 😉 And if you have extra time in hand you also register for some of these contest! And those of who do not blog can read the important news like ‘How Saifeena would spend their first Holi post marriage?’ on various portals.
  3. Gossip : Gossiping is an art. You need to pick the right topic, talk about it so that you don’t bore your target audience! There never is dearth for topics to gossip about. Every work place has characters/people to gossip about….that dumb chick, that incorrigible flirt, that hunk and so on! You there isn’t anything to gossip about..you can discuss the episodes of Pavitra Ristha.

I hope you will find these points helpful :). Do let me know there are any methods that you use to spend 8 hours at your workplace 😉

P.S : Dear Boss, do not panic. All the above methods are directly proportional to my productivity 😀

When I met HIM!

I must have fallen asleep while reading. I was still holding on to the book I was reading. The clock on the wall told me that it was 2 am. I must have slept for over an hour now. I placed a bookmark and pushed the book under the pillow.   As I  turned side wards to turn off the lights, I found myself staring at man sitting on the sole chair in the room. The pile of washed-but-yet-to-be-folded clothes which were on the chair before, now lay on the floor. The man had a serene smile on his face which was somewhat soothing. What struck me most was his weird costume. He had a golden crown on his head, a flute in hand, and clad in the finest silks and body covered with so much sparkling jewels and gems that could put the daily soap bahu’s to shame!

Try as hard as I might, I am not angry with this intruder. Instead to my utter amazement to choose my most polite tone and ask the man, “Who are you and how did you get in here?”

 The man says “I am God. You can call me Krishna, Ram, Vishnu or any other name that pleases you”.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I cried out.

No it isn’t. How would I get in here with the doors locked” he said pointing to the door.

I ponder over his question for a while and then reluctantly come to terms with the fact that I am indeed visited by God at this ungodly hour.

“So what brings you here?” I ask him.

You haven’t spoken to me in a while now. So, I thought it best to come meet you. After all it is my job to watch over my children” he answers.

I haven’t been speaking to you these days because I am slowly turning to be an agnostic. And what did you say about watching over your children….do you really watch over your children?” I asked him. 

“Yes I do watch over my children” he replied confidently.

“Then why did you not watch over Nirbhaya?” I asked him with  a cocky smile.

“Errr……..” He fumbled but was quick to regain composure.

“We will discuss the world at large some other time but let me assure you the perpetrators are tried in my court. Everybody pays for their deeds” he said.

“Your court is no better than the Indian courts. All that a common-man gets is the dates just like Sunny Paaji says I said mockingly.

Justice is never denied in my court” he said.

It sounded as if the assurance was more to himself than to me.

After a silence of about 5 seconds he asked “Who is Sunny Paaji?”

He is an actor. His father was also an …” 

God interrupted me and said  “Oh it is a him. It isn’t the one I was thinking about then”.

Who were you thinking of?” I asked half-expecting the answer.

I do not know. There is some lady on Earth by the same name. Indra  and his men discuss about her in hushed tones” God replied innocently.

I smiled to myself.

Can you speed up the fan? It’s too hot down here on Earth“.

While setting the regulator of the fan to maximum, I said “You stay high above the ozone layer. The global warming is unlikely to have affected you“.

What ozone…What global warming?” asked the God all confused.

Err…never mind..we will discuss global warming and ozone layer some other day” I told him.

I got grooved into the conversation. I pushed a pillow against the wall and leaned onto it. I sat upright as if I had such conversations with God very often.

You still haven’t told me about yourself” God reminded.

My life is all fine.  Yes sometimes I feel it is monotonous….but other than that, it is all good.”

What would make your life exciting then?” God asked earnestly.

A boyfriend perhaps” I said smiling naughtily.

Why don’t you find a boyfriend for yourself then?” asked the God as if he were my best buddy.

The guys who I have crush on are either disinterested or committed or married or just oblivious of my existence”.

My……that is sad” said the God.

But let me tell you, all the above people just don’t deserve you. Just wait for the right man to come by and sweep you off the floor” said the God in a tone that I would use to console someone.

Sweep you off…the what??? Do you read Mills and Boon up there” I asked in disbelief.

No. But what I said is true. All you have to do is be patient.

I nodded and then said “It’s just a classic case of sour grapes. Isn’t it?

God grinned as I said this.

Child, I think I should get going now. I have kept you awake for long. I guess we had a good chat. Is there anything you want to tell or ask me?” asked the God.

No” I replied. Just as God is about to stand up I say, “My aunt keeps saying, God knows when Pavitra Ristra would go off-air. Do you really know when it would go off-air?

It is actually the producer who decides it. In fact I am indebted to the producer of the show” the God said.

Indebted to Ekta Kapoor?” I asked puzzled.

Yes. She has done a huge favor to us up there. Whenever the apsaras throw tantrums or become lazy we play the Oh la oh la song in a huge screen. It just sets them right.” said the God with a huge grin.

Words fail me so I simply nod. God bade me good-bye and vanished. But before that he picked up the pile of clothes from the floor and dumped it on the chair.

I switched off the lights, pulled the quilts over my body and went to sleep.

Of the weekend that was!

This post was intended to be published on Monday. But I wasn’t able  to publish it on Monday owing to the heavy work , stupid clients  and laziness 😉

  • I was sipping tea on Saturday morning when dad came in to the living room to announce the arrival of a kitten in the backyard. I quickly kept the cup on the coffee table and ran towards the backyard to meet the visitor. The visitor looked very frightened.  The Florence Nightingale  in me pledged to nurse the kitten. I got a bowl of milk for the kitten.  The poor creature ran away on seeing me. I went after the kitten to fetch it since it was raining outside. Just as I caught the little creature it bit me so hard that I almost threw the kitten.  All this for being a Florence Nightingale. Yes I did visit the doctor to take a TT injection. urgh!
  • Two of my ex-colleagues invited a few of us for a lunch they were hosting (God bless them 🙂 ).  How could I refuse a free lunch and that too at my favorite Chinese restaurant.  When I told my dad I would be out for lunch, he was quick enough to ask me if I was going for a party. Party has now become a forbidden word in Mangalore. When I assured him that it was only a lunch he nodded reluctantly. The lunch was great as expected. When I returned home I saw my dad heaving a sigh of relief. I wonder how many parents would breathe in relief on seeing their children return back home unhurt post the Home Stay episode.
  • As I walked out of the Chinese restaurant, I came face to face with a hoarding crying “SALE SALE”. For the records, I am not a shopaholic.  But what attracted towards the hoarding was not SALE but the letters written in thick font saying “HALF PRICE” sandwiched between SALE. The half price did the trick as I walked to the store as if I was hypnotized. There are times when the not-so-fond-of-shopping girls like me go crazy in a store. Probably it has to do with the vibe in the surroundings.  I indulged in unplanned shopping though I am doubtful if the half price what the store claimed is any true.

I know it is too late for me to ask this. But some wise man/woman once said, ‘Better late than never’.  Er.. what was I planning to ask anyway. Before I forget, How was your weekend?